Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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