Non-Jews are for practice
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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