How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize