Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
