the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
