I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
