Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize