I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize