She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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