I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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