like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
