I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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