I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
