Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize