piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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