I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
