I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
