Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I currently don't understand fingers.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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