I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
