he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
