i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
