I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
