wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
