My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
My liver just broke up with me...
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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