I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
