Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
