Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
