Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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