i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
