I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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