did you get engaged???
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm sobbing to NWA
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
