So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
