She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
