dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I yelled at your uterus for you.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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