So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
