My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
