This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
