before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
