Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
