happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
