You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
