i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
