we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
