The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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