Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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