I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
