no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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