You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
