Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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