ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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