so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
