There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
