Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Ladies don't puke and tell
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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