Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
