we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
