im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize