oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize