someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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