i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
