You can't motorboat a personality
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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