Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
