We're facebook friends in real life
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
