Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize