I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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