Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
