like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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