what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
